You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
