pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
whose parrot is this?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
