What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
