So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
