There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
