People in love make me want to vomit
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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