Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
