My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
