i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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