I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
