the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
