my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
