Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
