You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
