I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
