i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
