oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
