wrigley field is MILF paradise
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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