i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
