Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
