well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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