haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
