it wasn't lemon gatorade
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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