your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
