My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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