She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
