The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
