i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
