Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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