Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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