just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
