Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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