I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
