It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
