Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just google imaged poop.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
