I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
