Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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