Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
