I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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