I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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