can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
