and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
