I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
