i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
