Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
