No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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