He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
