Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
