She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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