I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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